My Best Jokes

I picked my favorite jokes of past few years made by myself. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Power of accumulation for the growth.

(To be continued. Last updated 2017.08.19)

184. We were having lunch and Jixiang said he believed pork did a better job making people feel full than chicken. I totally agreed like, “I agree. If one guy eats a pig and another guy eats a chicken, the one who eats a pig will probably feel fuller..” (2017.06.26)

183. Jason told people how difficult it was to take care of his kids. I suggested him train his elder son (10 years old) to take care of his younger ones like, “If he does it right, give him a chocolate; if he does it wrong, spray him…” (To spray is a classic technique to train dogs..) (2017.04.24)

182. Guoshuai came back from vocation and told Yaniv he enjoyed the vocation a lot. Yaniv joked with him like, “Why did you come back then?” I was like, “Well, that’s the difference between vacation and unemployment…” (2017.04.09)

181. Every Tuesday evening I run with Boston Road Runners. Last Tuesday, Marco told me he sweated a lot, even in the winter. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that, “Dude, you are a sweater!” #Joke of the Week. #Kept me smiling for almost a week. (2017.02.13)

180. Eladi is my good friend at work. He introduced me to his wife by saying we shared many hobbies such as comedies and photography. I told his wife like, “We also hate each other…” (2017.02.06)

179. I went Snowboarding in a car with friends. I started to tell a joke, and Jinglin told me she was ready for the punch line. I got super embarrassed like, “I just finished the joke…” (2017.01.15)

178. Suzy tested sensors by placing them on her chest. Because the sensors took too much space, she complained like, “There is no enough space on my chest.” I joked like, “Yeah, you need a bigger chest..” (I am glad she hasn’t called HR yet..) (2016.11.13)

177. I saw Heather laugh happily with Vickie in marketing team’s office. Suzy and I saw her later that day in the kitchen and I joked with her like, “Heather, I saw you laughing with Vickie,,,, without us..” (2016.11.06)

176. George’s laptop got virus. I comforted him like, “I am sorry, George, even though it doesn’t help…” (2016.10.23)

175. My colleagues and I took the freight elevator the other day, which was never open to people. The moment I got on, I told my colleagues, “I wondered how the freight felt when they took the elevator. Now I know…” (2016.10.23)

174. We were having lunch. Claire told us she moved to China and stayed there for years at the age of 16. I was like, “Huh, I was gonna ask you how long ago was that, but then I will know your age and you probably will call HR…” (2016.10.16)

173. Jian caught a cold and asked people what he should do on Chinese FB. Yau suggested like, “Masturbate less.” I disagreed and suggested him like, “Masturbate more…” (2016.08.28)

172.  Annand missed the phone calls from his female friends the other day. I kidded him like, “Dude, you just saved yourself a lot of sex tonight …” (2016.06.22)

171. After Mohsen came back from lunch, Jiankun asked him, “How is your food?” Mohsen said, “It is good.” I corrected Mohsen by intentionally interpreting “How is your food?” in another way like, “Mohsen, you probably should say, ‘I don’t think they are doing good. They just got eaten…’” (2016.01.17)

170. I was at my friend’s graduation ceremony and ended up sitting next to a lady and her daughter.
170.1 The lady told me she and her family came here for her son’s gf’s graduation and her son’s gf was a nurse. A few minutes later the lady turned to me and tried to tell me her son’s gf was a nurse again before it came to her that she already had done so. She joked like, “People in my age tends to do stuff like that…” I joked back by asking, “I am sorry. What did you try to tell me?” She laughed and I joked like, “I asked because I wanna make you feel good about yourself…”
170.2 Another speaker was the chief editor of National Geographic Magazine and talked about her story of quitting college after her junior year. I talked to the lady like, “Very helpful suggestion. But it may come too late for a graduation ceremony…” (2015.12.27)

169. The pants of Yiou’s 4-years-old son became dirty one day, because he stood on his knees. He was really sweet and asked Yiou if he broke the pants and pants were OK to wear again. Yiou shared the story on line and lamented like, “Sign, kids from poor family tend to care about stuff.” I joked like, “Hahaha, kids from poor family probably should take off the pants before standing on the knees…” (2015.12.13)

168. Annand told Keerthna some food was not good for health in the long run. I comforted her like, “Don’t worry, you won’t live long anyway…”(2015.10.18)

167. Six of us went to an Indian restaurant and ordered some Naan. All of a sudden, I told Annand my discovery, “Dude, you have a nan in your name…” (2015.10.18)

166. Annand told me girls liked to be called chicks. So when Keerthana walked in the office, I asked her, “Hey Keerthana, Annand told me girls like to be called chicks. Is it true?” (2015.10.11)

165. Di returned to China eight months ago and worked in a government department. Someone told me for some reason Di can commute to work in a police car. I was like, “Huh, how long does he have to work? One year or two years?” (2015.10.04)

164. Annand likes to hit on girls but doesn’t know how. So he talks only about cultures. I laugh at him. One day I asked him all of a sudden seriously, “Dude, talk to me. Talk some culture to me.” (2015.09.12)

163. Hot Jordan was doing an internship in a construction company and he posed on FB like, “Well it’s 1:00 am and I’m off to go construct one last industrial sized manure pit” I replied like, ” I knew u r a good crap taker, but I didn’t know you are industrial good. I am impressed by your poop size, man.”(2015.08.30)

162. Annand joined the lab last year, found the tennis ball and started playing with it one day. Mohsen and I warned him of what happened 3 years ago but he didn’t believe it simply because we joked with him a lot. So I asked him, “If you don’t believe it, why do you think there is a tennis ball in the lab but nobody plays it?” (2015.08.30)

161. Annand showed me a girl’s photo and asked me what I thought of her. I told him, “Not bad, top 30%. But definitely good enough for you. You are top 95%…” (2015.08.08)

160. I told Jian I met a bear at Yosemite (click here for details) like, “The moment I saw the bear, I was ready to run.” Jian was like, “That’s useless. Bears run faster than you.” I was like, “Dude as long as I run faster than others, I will be OK…” (2015.07.04)

159. My mum stayed with me for 6 months last year. A few months after she left, people asked me how I was doing. I told them like, “I am still recovering from the damage my mum’s done on me…” (2015.07.04)

158.1 I went to hospital and the doctor asked me if I was married? I joked with her like, “No, I am still happy…” (To clarify, I said that only trying to be funny and I still wanna get married.)

158.2 I was chatting with that doctor and she asked me if I can stand the winter in Michigan. I joked with her like, “Actually I like winter. I enjoy staying inside thinking about how much people are suffering outside…” (2015.06.28)

157. I was at Qiong’s Phd defense 1.5 years ago, after which someone mentioned that USA was much restrictive with Irian men’s visas than women’s, because they believe women were less likely to be terrorists. I was like, “Well, never underestimate women…” (2015.06.14)

156. I was having breakfast at a hotel the other day. The lady serving the food was stirring the scrabbled egg and joked with me like, “Oh, I am making a mess here (referring to the scrabbled egg). I like to make a mess in my life.” I joked back like, “Well, my life is a mess already…” (2015.06.07)

155. I hiked Yosemite with Qing Yang last weekend and one of the trails has some horses’ defecation. For one small segment of trail we had to step on either dried defecation or wet ones. I told Qing, “Dude, I was just forced to make a decision between stepping on old crap and fresh crap…” (2015.05.25)

154. Jiankun smokes cigarette and we tried to convince him to quit. One day he showed us a pack of “Organic cigarette” and told me that thing was totally healthy. I kidded him like, “So why don’t you eat some organic shit?” (2015.05.25)

153. We were discussing about what we were doing in 2003 and people tried to pretend to be younger than others. Nan said he was still in elementary school in 2003 and someone said he was still in kinder garden. I was like, “I was still a sperm in 2003…” (2015.05.08)

152.1 I went back to Phoenix house to check people out and hung out in Cliff’s room, when Cliff told people Lizzy asked him to wake her up from a nap at 9pm which was right then. So we went to Lizzy’s room, opened the door and tried to get her up. Since she was so reluctant to get up, I was like, “Come’n Lizzy, get up. I wanna see you naked…”

152.2 We hung out in Lizzy’s room after she finally got up. After some catching-ups had been done, I wanna leave. Lizzy was like, “Good to see you, Barton. Sorry for not being naked…” I can’t help laughing and replied like, “That’s OK. Next time, Lizzy. Promise me…” (2015.05.03)

151. Scott complained about being pulled over by police the other day on Facebook and I comforted him like, “Don’t worry, man. I am sure things will become worse…” (2015.04.17)

150. A nurse came in and told me she was gonna run some tests on me, which based on her, may make me a little bit uncomfortable. I kidded her like, “That’s OK. I am uncomfortable all the time…” (2015.04.04)

149. School sent all students a text message saying there is a natural gas leakage happening in one building on campus the other day. Keerthana was like, “OMG, it must smell really bad down there.” I was like, “Well, natural gas leakage doesn’t necessarily mean it’s gassy…” (2015.03.29)

148. I was at an eye doctor’s to get contacts. Since I had been waiting for a while, the girl who accommodated me said, “Thank you for your patience.” I kidded her like, “No problem. I am a patient here anyway~” (2015.03.22)

147. Keerthana was complaining she had got an ear inffection the other day in the office. I kidded her like, “Maybe because you talked too much and your ears got tired of it. It’s a sign Keerthana. Take it…” (2015.03.22)

146. I changed my Facebook profile photo and here is the conversation between Hot Jordan and me.(2015.03.22)

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145. I asked Keerthana about something about the data. Since she is not sure about the answer, she told me, “I am not sure, but most likely it’s XXX.” I was like, “Most likely? That’s so scientific. I am sure you can publish a lot of papers in this way…” (2015.03.08)

144. I went out bowling in an event organized by engineering school. When introducing each other, I told people what research I was doing. One of them was like, “Oh, that’s cool…” I kidded them like, “Well, it will be cooler if it works…” (2015.03.08)

143. Charli complained on facebook like, “dad’s the only guy to wish me a happy valentines day complete with spongebob candy. god bless.” I comforted her like, ” I did not get a valentine wish at all,,, even from a guy…” (2015.02.15)

142. Meagan is another department secretary who sends out emails whenever there is free food in the department office. I dropped by the department office, saw some food to give out and therefore helped myself. Meagan saw me and kidded me like, “What are you doing?” I was like, “Oh, I am trying to get some food before you send out emails for people to come…” (2015.02.15)

141. We were discussing about someone was sometimes too optimistic and sometimes too pessimistic in a restaurant. I was like, “Yeah, that’s his period..” (2015.02.08)

140. Keerthna accidentally knocked over a bottle of water and the water was spilled on the carpet. I was like, “Oh, Keerthna just wet the carpet…” (2015.02.08)

139. I audited a number of courses this semester. Annand said he couldn’t do that because it would be too boring. I was like, “Dude, you’ve got the wrong goal. The goal should not be to learn stuff, but to ask questions in the class and confuse the professors…” (2015.02.01)

138. Anand kidded me by lying to Keerthana that I was gay. I kidded back like, “Don’t worry, dude. She knows…” (2015.01.11)

137. Rama is American Indian, who just hired two new Indians students in the lab in addition to two Chinese and one Iranian student. I came to the conclusion to others the other day like, “I think Rama is trying to find his origin. The next student of our lab is probably gonna be a Chimpanzee…”(2015.01.11)

136. Mohsen was quite surprised and insecure to know google had predicted info about him and listed the info on google’s website under his account the other day. So he deleted all the predicted info under his account. I was like, “Good. Now you don’t even know what they know about you…” (2015.01.04)

135. I visited one Ford plant and the tour guide told me they used an electrical screw driver so that every screw used would be recorded for manufacture quality control reasons. I was like, “So that people will not screw up?”(2015.01.04)

134. Anand is from India. Whenever expressing “Yes” during conversations, he hilariously shook his head in an Indian way… This is so funny and therefore I learned to do the same. Mohsen was like, “Even Rama does the same.” Anand was surprised like, “Really? I didn’t notice.” I explained to him like, “That’s because you were shaking your head at the same time and you guys just got synchronized!” (2014.12.28)

133. Charli asked if she could put me as her reference for job hunting. I kidded her like, “Sure Charli. I can do anything for you (pause) including lying…” (2014.12.28)

132. Rama told us he worked at home on Sunday, because he needed a change from his office. So I kidded him by asking, “Did your wife know you need a change?” (2014.12.28)

131. As Ti’s male Maid of Honor, I booked flight tickets for her wedding and informed her like, “Hey I booked the flight but did not buy the insurance for the tickets. You’d better try not to cancel the wedding…” (2014.11.15)

130. We were playing soccer and I asked a guy about his name. He told me it’s Anuz. Because its pronunciation is kinda weird to me, I asked, “Dude, do you have an easier name?” David was trying to help out like, “You can call him A.” I kidded like, “How about asshole?” (2014.11.02)

129. Jiankun found a girlfriend and bought tickets to Hawaii the other day. Anand asked how much were the tickets and was surprised to know the price. I made a comment to him like, “Dude, there is no free fuck in the universe…” (2014.11.02)

128. I came into ECE Department Office asking Michelle for some help. Because she was occupied by something, she told me, “Just one second, please” So I kidded her like, “All right. One second, two second, three second…” (2014.10.19)

127. Annand went to Boston a few weeks ago to tour Boston with one of his female friends. We joked with him saying he was on a date. I asked him how many days he would be in Boston and he told me three days. I kidded him like, “Dude, that’s a lot of fuck…” (2014.10.11)

126. Rama and I were having a meeting, when he felt hungry, took out an energy bar and asked me, “Do you mind if I eat it?” I kidded him like, “Do you mind if I mind?” (2014.09.14)

125. We came into the hotel room. Just before Mohsen turned on the light, I made my request like, “Let there be light!!” and the light was turned on by Mohsen… (God also said “Let there be light” when creating light and universe…) (2014.09.06)

124. Since we were on a business travel for this conference, the dinner can be reimbursed. We went to a Japanese BBQ restaurant for dinner one day and the food was so good that I made a comment to others like, “This restaurant is good. I think Rama’s research funding is well spent here…” (2014.08.31)

123. Guanqun graduated from the lab around 2 years ago and also came to the same conference, when we did catch-ups in the hotel. Since he just got married weeks ago, when he told us he had to go to hospital for some reason on the second day of the conference, I had to interrupt him and make a comment to others like, “Dude, after a few weeks of marriage, Guanqun had to go to hospital to sell his kidney…” (2014.08.31)

122. Dan is moving into Phoenix in a month. I asked if he’s ready to move in. He told me he was ready mentally, but not physically yet. So I asked, “What about sexually?” (2014.08.02)

121. Marc told me he believed people should always try to do face-to-face business meeting even if sometimes it may seem useless at the first sight like, “Just beat the bushes, no matter what.” I was like, “That’s right. Don’t beat Clinton…” (2014.06.29)

120. Spencer, John and I were on our way to a bar to see a standup comedian show, when Spencer asked me if I knew any jobs available since he was looking for a job. I was like, “John has some blow jobs if you need…” (2014.06.08)

119. I came across Charli in the house when she was walking into the bathroom, so I gave her my best wishes like,” Have a good pee, Charli…” She was like, “Thanks, Barton. I will..” (2014.04.26)

118. I wore red sweatpants and hoodie the other day and people asked me what was going on, when I joked with them like, “Oh, I am a communist and come here to share the glory…” (2014.04.19)

117. Rama complained to us that one of the professors didn’t respond his email. Jim told him that that professor just failed the tenure, and Rama admitted that now he understood the situation. I was like, “See, people have to fail the tenure to get forgiveness from Rama…” (2014.04.05)

116. We were hanging out in the kitchen with Hillary using the tap water. For some reason there was a huge vibration and some noise coming out of the pipe. I joked with her in an exaggerated way referring to the working mode of dildos like, “Oh~, vibration~, that is dirty…” (2014.03.30)

115. We had to work in the office today (Sunday) for a deadline and had a meeting, when Varun was trying to draw something using marker on the white board. Since the marker was not working, Rama joked like, “Maybe because the marker is too tired…” I was like, “No, maybe because it’s Sunday today…” (2014.03.16)

114. Hot Jordan went home for spring break and got back a few days ago. I asked him about what he did for the break. He was like, “Oh I helped my girlfriend move.” I kidded him like, “Why did she move? Was she leaving you?” Jordan was like, “No, she wasn’t leaving me. She was just moving.” I was like, “Come on man. Wake up. She was not moving. She was moving on…” (2014.03.16)

113. I took my car to the ford dealer, who gave me a ride back to the company. Meanwhile I talked to the girl sitting next to me and she told me she is studying political science at MSU. I asked if she is planning to become a politician and she said no. So I kidded her like, “Good for you, (long pause) for not being a lier…” She laughed and said people from her department actually don’t lie. I was like, “Well, that’s a lie right there…” (2014.03.09)

112. Kara and I were cooking house dinner in the kitchen, when her strapless bra fell down somehow and she had to lift it up. I kidded her like, “what is going on?!” She was a little bit self-conscious about her boobs’ size like, “I will never find a boyfriend…” I comforted her like, “Don’t worry, your boobs are still growing…” (2014.02.23)

111. Scott has been failing to find his stuff the other day and complained to me like, “I have been losing stuff, man.” I kidded him like, “Losing what stuff? I hope you lose some weight man…” (2014.02.15)

110. Celeste and I were cooking house dinner the other day with Charli chilling in the kitchen. Just when Charli was drinking water from her bottle, I pretended to be “the most interesting man in the world” and reminded her seriously like, “Stay thirsty, my friend.” And Charli couldn’t help laughing and threw up the water in her mouth… (Find “the most interesting man” or “Stay thirsty my friend” on Youtube please.) (2014.02.15)

109. I dropped by Spencer’s room to say hi and found John and Paul also there, with Paul lying in Spencer’s bed in a really slutty posture browsing internet. I was like, “Look at Paul, the whole package, looking so good…” People laughed and I followed up to comfort Paul like, “My bad man. I meant the whole wreckage, not the package…” (2014.02.15)

108. Scott and Sarah are good friends and also my housemates in Phoenix. They were having conversations while lying in Scott’s bed under separate blankets the other day. At one point Sarah disagreed with Scott and screamed “No!!!” really loud, when I happened to walk into the house and heard the scream. So I dropped by Scott’s room, pretended to assume Sarah was being sexually harassed by Scott and asked, “Sarah, did you just scream ‘No’? …”

I chilled a little bit in Scott’s room and gave them my best wishes before leaving for my room  like, ” I have to run folks. You guys have a good sex…” (2014.02.08)

107. I dropped by Charli’s room to say hi and found Lizzy was also in her room. Lizzy asked me, “Barton, why don’t you talk to me?” I pretend to be in a relationship with her like, “Lizzy, I think we have spent too much time together.” She kidded back like, “No, I wanna talk to you over a cup of wine, Barton…”

Charli laughed and jumped in like, “It sounds romantic, but the relationship goes too fast Lizzy.” “Yeah, I am not ready for such a commitment,” I continued joking and pretended to scrutinize the relationship between Lizzy and me seriously like, “Lizzy, where are we?” (2014.02.08)

106. We were chilling in Scott’s room and Lizzy asked me, “Barton, am I one of your favorite house mates in the house?” I kidded her like, “No, you are one of my favorite pussies in the house…” (2014.02.01)

105. Yujing found a new job and asked Hao and I to help him assemble Ikea furniture one year ago. After we finished a chair, Hao was trying to be encouraging for no reason like, “What a solid and durable chair! Yujing is ready to get a girlfriend for sure!” I corrected him like, “No, actually Yujing is ready to get a fat girlfriend for sure…” (2014.02.01)

104. I called Hao Wen to ask him a question. Since I haven’t talked to him for a while, the moment he answered the phone, he kidded me by pretend to flirt with me like, “It’s so great to hear your voice, Mingwu Buddy…” I kidded him back by flirting with him like, “It’s so great to have my voice heard by you, Hao Bro…” And he couldn’t help laughing and came to a conclusion like, “My bad man. I shouldn’t have tried to be sluttier than you…” (2014.01.25)

103. I saw Hot Jordan at the leasing office the other day and told him secretly, “Jordan, can I let you know you are my favorite asshole in the house?” (2014.01.11)

102. John was my housemate living in Phoenix last year and went to Brazil last June. He was supposed to stay there for a year, but he changed his mind and came back to stay in Phoenix last week. The moment I saw him, I was quite surprised but still kidded him like, “Dude, why did you come back, did you get evicted by Brazil? I know you are a rapist, but you don’t have to let them know…” (2014.01.11)

101. Xiaopeng told us his sister drove her SUV over his foot accidentally in her garage. I knew he is OK, so I kidded him like, “OMG, everything’s OK with the SUV?” (2014.01.04)

100. SB means dumb ass in Chinese. It is sometimes used by close guy friends to greet each other just to say hi. One day Shaochen updated his status on his Chinese version twitter and I replied “SB” just to say hi. Di knew I was joking but still pretended to be serious like, “Be polite and careful of the words you used.” I replied like, ” My bad. Let me rephrase it, ‘Shaochen, I could be wrong, but I think you probably are a SB…’” (2014.01.04)

99. Hanqing hasn’t come and played soccer for months. When he showed up a couple of weeks ago, he appeared to have gained a lot of weight. I asked him, “Dude, did you gain like 15 lbs?” He smiled and looked down at his belly. Just before he figured out an answer, I kidded him like, “Why did you look down? I meant 15lbs on your face…” (2014.01.04)

98. Nema and I were discussing about cooking in the office and I told him that Keerthana claimed to be a cooking master, even though she denied to have said that. I was like, “You didn’t say the exact word, but I can read your mind.” She was like, “All right, tell me what I am thinking now.” I answered immediately like, “You are thinking I am a big jerk.” “Not exact word, but close.” She was impressed by my mind reading ability… (2013.12.21)

97. After the house Thanksgiving dinner a few weeks ago, I asked Hot Jordan secretly, “Can I tell you something, Jordan?” He said yes and I kidded him like, “Jordan, I am really thankful you are an asshole…” “I am really thankful you are a smart ass, Barton…” He kidded me back. (2013.12.21)

96. Spencer bought one bottle of expensive Tequila. Since I almost never drink and have no concept about Tequila, I asked them, “What’s the difference among Tequila? They all give you hangover, right? I thought all hangovers are good for you guys. “Scott was like, “Oh, there is good hangover and bad hangover, man.” I was like, “Just like sex? …” (2013.11.30)

95. We were preparing the turkey in the kitchen and hanging out, when Scott made a fart. I was like, “That one didn’t pay the rent, man?” (2013.11.30)

94. We were having dinner and discussing about looking for girlfriends. Jiankun tried to say beauty was not the most important by making a comment like, “I don’t understand why you guys are always looking for pretty girls.” Hao and I were like, “All right Jiankun, if you have a girlfriend someday in the future, we will tell her that Jiankun only likes an ugly girl friend…” (2013.11.23)

93. Spencer and I watched the soccer game between OSU and MSU over one month ago. We kidded people by telling them it was our first date. On our way to the game we dropped by a booth where a girl was selling sports wears, when Spencer bought a scarf. He talked to me later like, “That girl was cute, Barton. No offense, but I prefer to have a date with her over you…” I was like, “Dude, this is the worst first date EVER…” (2013.11.16)

92. Kara and I were cooking house dinner on Wed, when Lizzy and Hillary came into the Kitchen. Lizzy asked me, “Are you gonna live here next year, Barton?” Just before I answered, Hillary interrupted by asking, “Is your room single, Barton?” Just before I answered Hillary, Lizzy interrupted by asking, “Are you gonna live here next year, Barton?” So this went on back and forth for like three or four times. I was turning my head between Lizzy and Hillary trying to say something but being able to say nothing, because I was totally confused with what was going on. Finally I got enough of it and had to stop them like, “Come on. One woman at one time please! Too many women in the kitchen! I can’t handle it…” (2013.11.09)

91. Then the three girls had some girl talks and talked about something which is not supposed to know by everybody. I threatened them like, “You know I am not really a good secret keeper. You may wanna use some money to seal my month…” (2013.11.09)

90. Varun got married in India one year ago and we were discussing about what he should do to make this marriage official in USA the other day. I was like, “Maybe to change the status on Facebook?” (2013.11.02)

89. We were going out for lunch the other day and wondering what to eat. Rajeev asked, “Is there anything in the building?” Since he didn’t have much hair and there is only a hair salon in the building, I kidded him like, “Well, there is a hair salon in the building, but I don’t think you need it…” (2013.11.02)

88. We had a new member in the house meeting the other day and we introduced ourselves with the spirit animal. Since people knew my spirit animal is a turtle named paper, Hot Jordan made a comment to me like, “Yeah, Barton is emotionally connected to a turtle named paper.” “Not only emotionally, but also physically…” I replied to him dirtily. (2013.10.26)

87.1 When Amy was still living in Phoenix, one day she was on a date. Meanwhile others including me were having our last indoor soccer game and came back to the house at mid-night, when I saw the lights still off in Amy’s room. So I made a comment to others like, “Guys, I think Amy is getting laid right now…”

87.2 Even though Amy later claimed she didn’t get laid that day, whenever I saw her in the house in the next few days, I kidded her by asking, “Hey Amy, how was the sex the other day?” (2013.10.13)

86. We were having a phone meeting the other day and I sent everybody a report of one slide, while Marc said he liked how concise it was. I was like, “Well, the second half of the slide is my favorite. I would rather send you guys half a slide if I can…” (2013.10.06)

85. I was checking out a book in the library but the girl at the circulation desk didn’t notice I was waiting for a few seconds. When she found me waiting, she apologized like, “My apologies. I didn’t see you.” I was like, “Oh, don’t worry about that. That was my fault. I just played a magic being invisible…” (2013.09.22)

84. We had fire in the house the other day. I am super lucky to have no belongings damaged. But when people asked about the items destroyed of each house member. I kidded them like, “Oh, my heart is broken…” (2013.09.08)

83. We went to a restaurant selling blunch for lunch the other day. We waited 2 hours and didn’t get the food until 2:20pm. Since it was so late, Jiankun made a comment like, “It’s not blunch. Now it’s linner (composed of ‘l’ from lunch and ‘inner’ from dinner).” I was like, “No, actually it’s blinner… (composed of ‘b’ from breakfast, ‘l’ from lunch and ‘inner’ from dinner’) (2013.08.30)

82. We were hanging out in the kitchen, when Jordan asked Syd about a job position at her work place and Syd told Jordan that there might be a phone interview for him. So I kidded Jordan like, “Phone interview? That’s good for you, Jordan, since they wouldn’t know how you look…” (2013.08.25)

81. Charli was wrapping her summer up and moving back to Phoenix. The moment I saw her, I asked her, “Charli, do you know how much I miss you?” She thought a little bit and asked me, “A bunch?” “No. Not at all…” I kidded her. (2013.08.17)

80. We were chilling at the back yard the other evening, when I stood up and planned to go back to my room. Adam asked me, “Are you leaving?” I pretended to be in a relationship with him and kidded him like, “No, I am just leaving you…” (2013.08.03)

79.  Rama made a comment the other day in the office that he had two major concerns about something. I kidded him like, “Well, if you have two major concerns, they are not major concerns any more. They are just concerns…” (2013.06.30)

78.  I was cooking with others hanging out in the kitchen, when I accidentally dropped a piece of onion on the oven. Celeste saw it and kidded me by yelling loudly, “What the hell, Barton? Are you gonna burn the house?” I was like, “I am sorry, Celeste. I didn’t know you were watching…” (2013.06.23)

77.  I was playing soccer with a bunch of strangers, when we didn’t have a goalie. Someone asked, “Who has the experience of playing goalie?” I was like, “Well, I had bad experience playing goalie…” (2013.06.16)

76. Jeff and Carol are gonna have their 30th anniversary next year. Jiankun suggested them go to Chicago using their boat to celebrate, but Carol didn’t think that was a good idea because of huge gas consumption for that trip. I was like, “Jeff, I think you should show carol how much you love Carol by the amount of gas you would like to burn for her…” (2013.06.09)

75. We went out fishing on Tianlong’s friends(Jeff and Carol)’ boat yesterday and caught 4 big trouts, two of which are nearly 34 inch!!
15
We put the fish in the cooler with ice, when one of the fish was struggling so hard that it accidentally swallowed one cube of ice. So I made a comment to others like, “Well, I think this fish wanna keep itself fresh…” (2013.06.09)

74. The next morning, we saw two thermos bottles of coffee at the hotel’s cafeteria for breakfast. The one on the right was labeled as “The world’s Finest Coffee”, while the one on the left was just simply labeled as “Coffee”. I was like, “Can someone even give a thought about the feeling of the coffee on the left, please?!” (2013.06.01)

73. Doh is a new housemate who’s in his second year of college and just moved in the other day. During the house meeting of last Sunday, he thought I was an undergraduate and asked me which year I was in. Since I was a college freshman 10 years ago, I told him, “I am in my 10th year, man…” (2013.05.19)

72. Courtney took a picture of a squirrel at the backyard of the house and posted it on house Facebook group and said, “This guy really enjoys the dinner tonight, too!”
1Chelsea replied like, “Maybe it’s Paul, the squirrel I used to feed!” I followed her kidding like, “Oh, Paul! I knew this man. He is a cool dude…” (2013.05.13)

71. I realized I don’t have any tennis balls, so I asked Spencer, “Do you have any tennis balls?” Spencer said, “I have two. You?” I told him, “Oh man, I have no balls…” (2013.05.13)

70. Margo and I were cooking house dinner the other day, while Amy was chilling with us. When the girls were having some girls’ talk, Margo asked Amy about how to deal with a guy. I couldn’t help laughing a little bit. Margo asked me why. I kidded them like, “I laughed, because I can’t believe you actually asked Amy for dating tips and believed that’s a good idea…” (2013.05.06)

69. We were hanging out in the kitchen and people tried to convince me to drink with them by saying drinking is good to health. Even Teddy was saying the same. So I kidded them like, “Come on, Teddy. You are an engineer. You are supposed to be smarter than those guys…” After people laughed, I completed my sentence further like, “… even though you only have a bachelor degree…” (2013.04.28)

68. We’ve got the feedback on one of my conference papers. It was accepted even though one reviewer rejected it, because we literally claimed one technique is unnecessary. That reviewer believed we were being rude and at least we should say “that technique may be unnecessary”. We discussed about it in the office and came to a conclusion that, “It’s a difference between to say someone’s stuff is crap and may be crap…” (2013.04.14)

67.  I came to Rama’s office for a meeting with him the other day. He needed to use the restroom the moment I got into his office, so he said to me, “Mingwu, protect this office. I will be right back.” I was like, “All right. But I am unarmed though…” (2013.04.07)

66.  I was taking a course from Rama the other day. He put down an equation on the board and asked us to name it. We had totally no idea and no clue what to say. So Rama gave us some encouragement, “So what do you think should be its name? Just give it a name!” I was like, “Jacob?…” (2013.04.07)

65. We were hanging out in the kitchen and discussing about one restaurant. I told Amy and Zoey that that restaurant’s owner is well known to be kinda horny among Chinese students. Whenever some pretty girl customers came in, the owner would propose to take a look of the girls’ palm to predict their destiny. Amy and Zoey were kinda surprised saying they were in that restaurant before but it never happened to them. I kidded them like, “Maybe because you guys are not pretty enough…” (2013.03.31)

64. Christina gave us a ride to the Coop all members’ meeting today, while there were some of her stuff on her car’s seat. She apologized like, “Sorry guys to have all the shit in my car.” I was like, “That’s OK, man. I like to sit on shit…” (2013.03.24)

63. One day, the dog pooped during the experiment, which didn’t smell good. I made a comment to others like, “Dude, it smells like shit…” (2013.02.24)

62. We were having dinner and getting ready to play soccer in the house team the other day. Amy wanna know which position I play by asking, “What are you gonna be, Barton?” I was like, “I am gonna be the star of the game…” (2013.02.03)

61. We were playing soccer the other day and Andrew showed up with his middle finger wrapped with bandage. So I asked, “What’s going on, man? Did you give your finger to someone?” (2013.01.29)

60. Zoey and Courtney came back drunk from a bar. They asked me to put them in my blog. I said sure. Zoey was like, “What are you gonna say about us in your blog, Barton?  ‘Two bitches’?” I kidded them like, “No. Actually, I am gonna say ‘Two drunk bitches’ …” (2013.01.19)

59. We were having house dinner of Salad the other day. Amy saw I got many nuts in my plate and kidded me like, “How come you got all the nuts, Barton?!!” I kidded back like, “So what? You yourself are a nut.” (2013.01.14)

58. Natalia listed all house members on Facebook’s house group by the first letter of first names. Those starting with “C” are “Charli, Courtney, Caitlyn, Christina, Celeste”, which are all girls. I replied like, “Too sad… All C-x are women. Where the hell are our C-mennnnnnnnn?” (*semen*)(2013.01.14)

57. Jenny is the new housemate who graduated last month. We were chatting the other day in the kitchen, when she said she was so happy about her graduation like, “I don’t have to worry about courses. I don’t have to worry about homework. I don’t have to worry about schools. There is nothing to worry about.” I kidded her like, “Are you sure? I think now you have the whole life to worry about…” (2013.01.06)

56.  Femi is a visiting student from South Africa. We have been good friends. He came back to his home town in Nigeria for Christmas. We were chatting on Facebook and he told me it was so hot in Nigeria for Xmas. So I asked him, “Huh, since there is no snow in Nigeria, I guess Santa has to drive a car to deliver gift in your hometown.” He LOL-ed and asked me what’s the situation in China. I told him, “Well, Santa will not go to China any more. The last time he was there, his deer were stolen…”(2012.12.30)

55. Sharliss is a three-year-old-to-be girl as seen in below picture. She was babysat by Courtney in our house last Monday.
2
I asked her about her name, but she refused to answer and took the honor to become the youngest girl that rejects me in my life…” (Eventually she would like to talk to me after playing with my puffy toys [as shown in her hands]. Sign. typical woman…) (2012.12.23)

54. Ty pulled everything together for a visit to the Cyclotron on campus, probably the best nuclear experiment setup in the world. I was really excited to take that tour. When explaining danger of the radiation in the facility to human body, the guy giving us the tour was like, “You guys do not need to worry about it. I have been in this facility for 6 years. Nothing is wrong with me.” Since that guy look amusing and fun, I had to interrupted and kidded him like, “Are you sure about that?” (2012.12.02)

53. I have been using over 400 CPUs of High Performance Computer Center to do the computation for the research, which was why I have met the administrator a lot with tons of questions around 6 months ago. I haven’t done such computation for almost 6 months. But three days ago I came up with another question and visited the administrator’s office by greeting him like, “How have you been, man? Do you have enough trouble without me?” (2012.10.28)

52. I have been working my ass off for almost three weeks, simply because Rama needed me to take over a project and get the results urgently. I did it well and he said he would buy me a lunch to show his gratitude. But still it was pretty painful to get the work done in such a short time frame. Jiankun comforted me by saying, “Mingwu, since Rama will buy you a lunch, you should have been happy about it.” I was like, “I would rather buy him a lunch if he didn’t ask me to do this…” (2012.10.21)

51. We went to play soccer and saw a bunch of students literally playing quidditch, which is game modified and rooting from the Quidditch in Harry Potter. I was pretty amused and pretended to be a non-muggle by making a comment to Neal, “Dude, i don’t know how can these muggles play quidditch…” (2012.10.07)

50. I gave a ride to Jordan, John and Thomas to play soccer. Jordan was the last one coming out of the house and therefore asked “Am I the last?” upon getting into the car. I kidded him by referring the expression of “The last BUT not the least” like, “Yeah, you are the last AND the least…” (2012.09.30)

49. We were playing soccer and Margo played the goalie. A guy from the other team hit her really hard and knocked her down when trying to score a goal. After the game that guy approached Margo and asked her to give him her phone number. I made a comment to Spencer like, “Hey man, that guy hit on Margo by hitting on her…” (2012.09.30)

48. Mara, Courtney and I chilled at the house patio, when Mara saw a long rope hooked by two trees in front of the house and therefore asked, “What is that used for?” Courtney said, “Oh, Spencer used that to dry his under wears.” Since that was a really long rope, I was like, “Dude, how many under wears does he have!?” (2012.09.15)

47. I was having a haircut in a Barber’s shop helped by an American girl. She told me she forgot to close the window last night and caught a sniffle or runny nose, which was why she couldn’t help sniffing. I told her I kinda caught some allergy from the ocean wind I took in California last week and therefore had a sniffle too, when I sniffed a couple of times unconsciously. She kidded me like, “See, you sound exactly like me.” I was like, “Huh.. finally I picked up some American accent…” (2012.09.09)

46 At GE, Carlos dyed his hair into black and looked much younger than before. During lunch he ordered some unhealthy food. Bob and Maxine kidded him like, “Wow, you kids can eat whatever you like.” But I had to remind Carlos, “Remember man, you are only looking young…” (2012.09.04)

45. Charli and Courtney were mixing the paint in the restroom. I was curious about what they were doing and talked to them a little bit at the door. After a min Charli would like to pee and asked if Courtney and I could leave so that she could close the door. I was like, “Are you sure you need to close the door to pee?” (2012.08.25)

44. Kevin is working on the same floor mine. For some unknown reason, we can always meet each other in the hallway, whenever we go to use the restroom, get water and use the printer. So the other day, I came to a conclusion to him, “Well, looks like our periods are synchronized, man…” (referring to the rumor says if girls stay together too long, their periods will get synchronized…). (2012.08.16)

43. I was walking in the hall way, when Yakov saw me and kidded me by pretending to be urgent like, “Hey Barton, whatever you are doing, stop now…” I was like, “All right, I am gonna stop talking to you now..” (2012.08.16)

42. Bruce came to my poster and kidded me like, “This is your project? Huh, what was the smoke rising from your circuit about on the other day?”, even though he was even unable to come into the lab I worked in… We discussed a little bit about my poster and he said “this is a cool project and maybe that’s where the smoke comes from.” I was like, “Yeah. You are right. This is exactly what people called ‘Holy Smoke’….” (2012.08.04)

41. Two HRs came to my poster and asked me who my lab manager is. I told them I worked with John. They were like, “Oh, John~ We know him. How do you like him?” I was like, “I like him. He is a really nice guy,” and paused a little bit, “can you guys make sure John knows what I just said?…”  HRs laughed and I reminded them like, “Please make sure send John an email after this, telling him I said he was a nice guy…” (2012.08.04)

40. We were having lunch and I saw Danijel (my internship buddy) and Ram (my project manager) were having lunch at another table. So I told others that I need to go to Danijel and Ram’s table to have lunch. Yakov was like, “See, Barton think we are not fun anymore.” “No. Don’t take me wrong, man. Not that you are not fun anymore. It’s just that you guys are not important to me anymore…” I comforted him. (2012.08.04)

39. We were having lunch together and Yakov mentioned he probably was over-jealous of someone who can use screw driver to play around with stuff in the lab. I was like, “You don’t have to, man. Screw driver is used to screw things up…” (2012.08.04)

38. My professor was discussing with me about one issue we were trying to handle a while ago. He asked me, “So what did we end up doing about that problem?” I was like, “Oh, we ended up forgetting about it…” (2012.07.28)

37. Bruce told us he had to give his wife his house and company for the divorce. I was like, “Bruce, it was so lucky to be your wife…” (2012.07.28)

36. I told Carlos that simply taking a walk after lunch can’t help him reduce fat and can only fool himself into feeling secured about not going to the gym. But he told me he knew I was right, but he just felt mentally losing weight when taking a walk. I was like, “All right Carlos. You are looking super slim, mentally…” (2012.07.24)

35. On this hike, we were hiking in a decent speed, but another girl passed us from behind simply because she was so much faster than us. The moment she passed us, I couldn’t help pretending to be tough by reminding her, “Remember, you passed us, only because we allow you to…” (2012.07.15)

34. On our way down along the trail, we saw a gentleman hiking with his dog, which looked a lit bit out of breath. So I asked that gentleman, “So, how did your dog like the hike so far?” (2012.07.15)

33. During lunch we had really nice conversations. Bruce is from Toronto and Danijel used to live in Toronto too. He said he knew where Bruce lived. So I had to remind Bruce like, “Hey Bruce, Danijel knows where you live. You’d better watch your back…” (2012.07.04)

32. The next day Carlos and I went to have lunch with Yakov who is a Russian guy. So I kidded Yakov like, “Hey Yakov, how did you end up in evil America as a Russian guy. Are you working for KGB?” (2012.06.15)

31. Mara bought a pair of fancy lady’s shoes and kidded me like, “You can’t borrow them Barton.” “Come on, Mara. Can I borrow them?” I helped to continue her jokes. “Al-right, you can borrow them Barton. But what are you gonna wear them with?” Mara asked. “Nothing…” I answered dirtily… (2012.04.28)

30. Ruide Tang and her boyfriend Yang Wang are both my college schoolmates. The other day she posted a picture of her boyfriend sleeping with her sport shirt as the eye cover on renren.com. I made a comment like, “I will definitely use my future woman’s bra for my eye cover.” Xiaochen Zhou, another my schoolmate, followed up with me like, “So, may I ask how big are your eyes?” “C-cup.” I answered… (2012.04.28)

29. I gave a ride to Andrea and Spencer after the indoor soccer game last Monday, when Andrea apologized for being bossy and sentimental during the game by saying, “I am sorry guys. It’s all because of my period.” I was like, “Yeah… I still remember my last period. That was really bad…” (2012.04.20)

28. Mohsen and Jiankun are my officemates. We took the course of Image Processing this semester. For midterm exam Mohsen scored 9/10 and I scored 9.5/10, but Jiankun scored only 7/10. Last Thursday the course’s professor said there will be no final exam, so Jiankun has no chance to get a perfect score in final exam for a good final grade for this course. He was not happy and complained about it. Mohsen comforted him like, “That’s OK.”“…for us.” I completed his sentence. (2012.04.15)

27. We were hanging out in the living room the other day. I sat next to Gina on the sofa. I felt sleepy, so I said “I am tired, Gina.” Gina kidded me like, “I know you dudes. It doesn’t work on me. You say you are tired, then you will stretch your arms and put them on my shoulder smoothly. And then you will touch my breasts. And then something’s gonna happen… I am not in that mood today dude…”

A couple of minutes later, people are taking off to the bar. Kate asked me, “Barton, are you coming with us?” I was like, “Well, I don’t know, man. Based on Gina, I am supposed to hit on her now…” (2012.04.07)

26. I was at an event held by MSU’s international student office, whose director said he would do anything to help us during an informal conversation with a few people including me. So I interrupted him and said “You can turn us into American citizen if you like…” (2012.03.18)

25. Mara saw me with a girl the other day, so she kidded me in the kitchen yesterday like “Hi Barton, what is going on between you and the girl I saw the other day?” “Nothing is going on between us.” I told her. “Are you sure? She is beautiful and nice. You don’t like beautiful and nice girl?” Mara simply kept talking. “No. I like ugly, old and mean girl…” I kidded back. (2012.03.18)

24. There was a career fair in engineering building the other day and most of the companies had free gifts to give out. I was kinda fooling around and saw one professor from my department stopped by one company’s booth and took a close look of the fancy gift trying to figure out what it was used for. So I came up to the professor and kidded him, “Hey professor, are you looking for a job?” (2012.03.11)

23. We were playing soccer in the Dem Hall the other day and tried to take a water break, when 15 something cheerleader like people thought we called it a day and came into the field getting ready to do their business. We thought it might be a good idea to do them a favor and wrap up for home instead, so we just started to get dressed and saw them trying to pave the whole field with a huge piece of blanket like stuff. It took them around 5 minutes to get it done when I reminded Earl like, “Hey man, I think it’s the right time for us to tell them we are not done yet..” (2012.02.22)

22. Gina is always so passionate about everything that she screams and talks with people a lot and full of passion. We all think she is fun and hilarious to hang out. Plus we joke around with her a lot. During the house meeting last Monday, Earl sat on Gina’s laps, bent his back backwards and covered Gina’s face for fun. She tried to scream for help but can only pronounce “Wuuuuuuu” due to her month and face covered by Earl’s back. I pretended to be really excited saying, “Earl, congratulations man. You did it! You just shut up Gina! Unbelievable!” And Gina gave me her finger… (2012.02.12)

21. A bunch of boxed food appeared in our fridge from nowhere. I had no clue what was going on, so I asked Mara. She told me one diet food company gave our house their diet food for free for advertising. She also commented like, “Apparently someone thinks we are getting fat.” I replied like, “Apparently someone thinks we will buy their food…” (2012.02.03)

20. Phoenix is among around 15 other houses as part of so called Coop for college student housing in East Lansing. I am the treasurer of Phoenix taking care of all the money of this 29-people-house. I love Phoenix and people living in Phoenix. Last night was the routine house meeting when Earl reported what he heard in the Coop membership meeting last week. He was talking like, “The treasurer from another house stole 5 thousand dollars and moved out. No offense to our treasurer Barton. Just let you guys know what happened in our Coop.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. We only have 500 dollars in our account. That is not gonna happen.” I comforted people as the treasurer… (2012.01.23)

19. Rama, my professor, invited us to his house to watch Big Ten Football Champion game between MSU and Wisconsin one month ago. Whenever MSU’s player made good plays and yelled to each other for celebrition, Rama would comment like, “That’s right! You should play angry! That’s the way to play football.” “Err… I think that’s the way to play Angry Bird.” I disagreed. (2012.01.06)

18. Anna Maria came back to the house yesterday (New Year Eve) and found out her room unavailable to live, so she put the following post on house’s Facebook group,
“hey, I’m living in the attic till the rooms are finished, please don’t go up there till they’re done? Please? It should only be for a couple days,” I replied like, “Hi Anna, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know you are a good kid, but you are too late for Santa. Plus there is no chimney at the attic…” (2012.01.01)

17. Martin, Jane, Gina, Courtney, New Steve and I were chilling in the living room three days ago, when Kim knocked the door from the outside and we all yelled her name. After walking in, she looked a little bit surprised and asked, “I thought there were much more people than you guys.” “Oh, that’s because Gina is as loud as four people.” I explained. (2012.01.01)

16. We were waiting for Earl using the bathroom in the gallery so that we could go to Sugar Berry for Ice cream the other night. He didn’t show up for a while so that someone asked, “What the hell is he doing in the bathroom?” “Maybe he needs a hand.” I replied. (2011.12.19)

15. Earl saw me walking out of the laundry room and told me in the kitchen that my underpants were left on the floor of the laundry room. I knew he was kidding and didn’t buy it, “You are lying. I haven’t worn underpants for a long time…” (2011.12.15)

14. Whenever Gina did something bad, she would like to say “I feel like a dick,” because she believed dick is bad upon my curiosity. So I said to her one day, “Gina, I feel like a vagina…” (2011.12.15)

13. Before house Thanksgiving dinner, Anna, Chelsea and I ended up discussing about the trust in the relationship for some reason in the kitchen when these two girls reflected their ex-boyfriends cheating on them. Earl came in to check how dinner was going and asked me what I was doing there. “Oh, I am listening to these two bitches bitching about their ex-boyfriends.” I replied. (2011.12.15)

12 Earl misheard my name by Farton and told others when someone call my name Barton the other day, which was why someone actually asked me later, “Barton, do you fart?”… “No, I don’t!”, I tried to fight back but had to tell the truth, “I mean I fart, but not a lot…” (2011.10.27)

11. I saw Earl in the library last Tuesday, who was checking out a book at the circulation desk. So I asked, “What are you doing here, man?” “Oh, I am borrowing a book of history for my class.” Earl answered. “I didn’t know you can read.” I kidded him. “Yeah, I just learned last week…” he kidded back. (2011.10.22)

10. Anna and Spencer were working on the house dinner in the kitchen the other day, when Gina was helping them mixing the pasta from the pan. I felt hungry, so I kept picking up pastas piece by piece into month with my hands. Gina yelled at me, “Barton, it’s not dinner time yet!” “I know… That’s why I am not using any fork or dish!” I replied. (2010.10.11)

9. I attended one session addressing children’s mental disease when the chair asked all people in the room to introduce themselves and what interested them to come to this session. Just as my turn came, I was being quite honest, “My name is Mingwu from Michigan State University. I am not really familiar with this topic. I am quite interested to know if I have some mental disease…” (2011.09.04)

8. By the end of one presenter’s presentation, I was trying to ask two questions. But my turn didn’t come until the chair pointed at me said, “OK, the last question please.” I hesitated a little bit and cleared my throat, “My question is, ‘Can I ask two questions?’” (2011.09.04)

7.I took the laser surgery on my face in University of Michigan’s hospital in a T-shirt with Ohio State football team’s helmet. Finally the surgery was done. I asked the doctor imtimidatedly, “Doctor, you didn’t make a “UM” on my face, did you?” (2011.08.12)

6. One year ago in Columbus OH, again I had a haircut. Keith was being nice by saying “Hey, you have a haircut. It looks nice.” “No, it looks like you, but it doesn’t look nice…” I was joking with him. (2011.07.07)

5. Just upon my arrival at house from campus before dinner today, Zach was teasing me like “Hey Barton’s ready for all ladies” due to the laser surgery I just took last week. “Yeah, I am, man. Thanks.” I felt encouraged. “You can just simply talk about your hot hot research after this, then all ladies will be yours” Zach kept talking.Without any thought, I told him the truth, “Trust me, dude. I tried that before. It didn’t work..” (2011.06.06)

4. Steve Wozniak  the co-founder of Apple Inc. came to give a speech. As a big fan, I raised two questions. I was talking like,” Yeah, I have two questions. First of all, can I take a picture with you after the speech?” (2011.05.06)

3. For some reason, I sneezed nearly 10 times in a row yesterday and totally ignored my innocent boss at my desk by saying, “Gee, I must have worked too hard…” (2011.03.29)

2. I took an onsite interview for a marketing position of Honeywell at Minneapolis during jobhunting last year. I was scheduled to meet seven people during the whole morning, among whom the last one was the hiring manager asking me which name I would like people to call me, Barton or Mingwu thanks to the English name I listed on my resume. I thought about it and told them the truth:”Err…, whatever, you can call me asshole if you like…” (2010.03.06)

1. In my freshman year of college, I took the English course given by Ms. Yirong Ma, a female lecturer of her 40s. One day she showed us the photos of her college life, when I couldn’t help being impressed by keeping saying, “Oh, youth Yirong Ma. Oh, youth Yirong Ma…” Ms. Ma overheard it and attempted to stop me in a graceful manner by asking “Mingwu, how do you like these photos?” I had no choice but made my ultimate flatterer move, “Ms. Ma, frankly speaking, I think you are looking much younger now…” (2010.01.05)

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