1. Will and Sameera walked towards me in the hall way. I formed fake a gun using my hand and joked to shoot them twice. Will pretended to get shot but Sammera appeared as if nothing had happened. I questioned Sameera like, “What happened to you? You just got shot. I shot twice. ” Will explained for Sameera like, “You are a terrible shooter and twice were both on me.”
2. I visited the zoo a few years ago, saw an elephant sucking dirt from the ground using his nose and spraying the dirt on his back. My friends asked why the elephant was doing that. I was like, “Maybe he is trying to get himself dirty and keep people away from riding on them?”
3. I was at Shaochen’s graduation ceremony a few years ago and happened to sit between a lady and her daughter, named Sara. For some reason the lady was trying to hook me up with her daughter and firstly asked me, “Are you single?” I went, “Yes.” The lady kept asking, “Are you gay?” I went, “No.” All of a sudden, she introduced me to her daughter, “Sara, this is Barton. Barton, this is Sara..”
(For more about this lady, please click my post on 2015.12.27 )
4. (The punch line of this piece has to be delivered in Chinese)
Washed Jerry the other days, which reminded me of many good times we shared in the past 5.5 years.
1. We were having work lunch and Christine teased me by staring at my food as if she was gonna eat it. I was totally freaked out, “Come on, Christine, you are making my food very uncomfortable!”
2. Montana and Christine told me a cheesy pick up line by performing. Christine pretended to be a guy asking Montana, “Hey are you a vegetable?” Montana went, “No, why?” Christine hit the cheesy pick up line like, “because you look CU(TE)cumber..”
3. Christine asked me which previous intern did I miss the most. I was like, “Come on. It’s like ask me who I should save first if my girlfriend and my mum both drop in the water.” Montana went, “You should save your mum.” I joked like, “which was why I still don’t have girlfriend.”
4.Christine told a joke. I teased her like, “OMG, Christine your joke is so funny, I almost missed it…”
Sameera was testing a phone app. For some reason I saw a hammer on her desk and got totally amazed by how she tested the phone app…
1. I bought a condo and talked to an insurance lady for insurance premium. She asked me about the approximate value of the belongings in my condo. I thought about it and told her, “Around $10,000.” She was like, “Oh, that means you are still single…”
2. We were having lunch and one lady had a strong and correct opinion about something. Some guy joked like, “Don’t we miss those days when women are still properties!?”
3. We went out for lunch. I recommended a restaurant and told people my reputation was on the line. Jason joked like, “If we don’t like it, you give us your paycheck.” I was like, “My reputation was invaluable but still not worth my paycheck…”
4. I went snowboarding at Killington 10 days ago and air b&b in a house. I boiled some Chinese food and joked with people that whoever said I was good looking could take one piece.
Since I had to leave early, Baozi teased me like, “Hey the good looking guy is leaving!” I was like, “Hold on for a second”, took out the phone, open the voice recorder app and told her, “Say it again. I need to keep the evidence…”
John showed me a protein bar he has been eating the other day. No B.S. … (I looked it up and the company claimed B.S. means Bad Stuff..)
1. We were having happy hour and drinking. People told me I should try find girls from bars. I disagreed like, “It is of high probability that a girl found at bar is alcoholic. I wanna find a girl in the library.”
They couldn’t help laughing. I was like, “I am not good at drinking. So I need to pick my fight..”
2. I was at an Alumni Club’s event and Joan, the president, asked me, “Mingwu, I heard you were very capable. Come and help us.” I was so confused, “I am capable?” She continued like, “Yes, Ze and Tianqi said you knew how to play and were very good at having fun…”
3. Wenfei and I were discussing about making money. She told me she was good at things that did not make money. I was like, “Like spending money?”
4. I was at an event and the host talked to people like, “I am glad you sign up, show up and stand up for the cause.”
I went snowboarding with friends and stayed in an Air BNB house. One of the bed room had a bath tub…
1. The company was packing to move and Sandy told people, “If you have anything that is breakable, make sure they are bubble-packed.” I told her, “Sandy, my heart is breakable.”
2. We were having lunch and discussing about different food styles in China, such as Sichuan Style, Hunan Style and Cantonese Style. Jason asked me, “What style of food can your mum make?” I was like, “Home style..”
3. I took an elevator to 12nd floor. One lady pressed the 11th floor’s button and asked me if the office she was looking for was on 11th. I told her, “Actually it’s on 12nd.” and joke with her like, “Are you those people who pressed all the floors without actually going out?”
4. Tianqi told me she needed to ask her dad for money for the down payment of a house. I suggested her like, “You can spend hundreds of dollars buying your dad a gift and invest on your dad. If the investment works out, you will have tens of thousands of dollars in return just in a few weeks..”
Fun “No Evil Monkey” cups for drinks: “See No Evils”, “Say No Evils” and “Hear No Evils”
1. We were having lunch and Christine told people, “Oh, I am full.” I joked with her like, “That’s OK， Christine. It’s OK to be fool..”
(Unfortunately I have to explain the punch line to Claire.. 😦 )
2. Claire was gonna visit China for a business trip. I gave her a hug and asked her to forward the hug to China. She told me she was gonna hug the security guy the first thing she landed in China.
3. Suzy just got married last week. I hugged her and told her “to have a good marriage”..
4. (Sorry, this punch line has to be delivered in Chinese)
我和几个朋友去东北餐馆吃饭，要点韭菜盒子，我怕不够分就问服务员：“你家的韭菜盒子多大的啊？”服务员说，“是Jia（1) Chang(2)的。” 我就懵逼地问，“是加长的，还是家常的啊？”
I went snowboarding the other day and took a ski area transit truck to transport between different sites. On the rail of the truck said this…
1. I told people I was gonna take a cosmetic surgery. They looked at my face and joked with me like, “A lot seems to need to be done…”
2. Suzy was unable to find the mail package she was expecting and asked me, “Barton, if you are a mail package, where would you hide?” I was like, “I’ve no idea, but if it’s a male package I would wait in the men’s room until it shows up…”
3. A bunch of my college’s alumni went out for dinner with another friend, Lorenzo. He asked us, “What is the name of your university?” I joked with him like, “It’s called the best university in China…”
4. I live in Beacon Hill now and Zhongyun suggested me write an autobiography named “The Ghost on Beacon Hill”.
Be Hoppy, obviously this beer is at least partially made from hop